A Sea of Shields

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The attendants opened the double doors, and Reece braced himself as he entered his mother’s sick chamber alone. He felt a pit in his stomach as the darkened room embraced him, lit only by a flickering torch. Nurses hovered over his mother’s bedside, patting her forehead with salves. Hafold stood closest to her. Reece had been worried his entire trip here that he would not reach her before she died—and he was so grateful that he had. He had come here first, the second the ship touched shore, before even going to break the wedding news to Selese.

The thought of his mother dying tore Reece apart. Of all of the children, Reece, the youngest, had always been closest to his mother. They confided to each other, and she had been kinder and gentler to him than all the others. She had sheltered him from his father’s occasional wrath, and had always made sure he had the best of everything. The thought of her dying made him feel as if a part of him were dying, too. He’d wanted more than anything for her to be alive for his wedding.

Thinking of the looming wedding confused Reece. The entire ship ride home, his mind had been filled with thoughts of Stara, of their encounter, of his love for her. Throughout the trip, he remained determined to make her his wife, to steel himself to tell Selese the news.

But now that he had reached home again, had entered King’s Court, seen all the furious wedding preparations, it gave him pause. It was a spectacle. King’s Court looked more beautiful than it ever had, and thousands upon thousands of people were finally arriving from all corners of the Ring, and the world, getting ready to watch. And Reece would be at the center of it. He would be letting down not only Selese, but also his sister, and Thorgrin, ruining everyone’s special day, for which they had worked so hard to prepare. He would also be letting down the thousands of people who were anticipating this great event.

How could he do that? How could he betray his people? And most of all, how could he betray Selese? The thought of hurting Selese pained him to no end. She, most of all, who had been so kind and loyal to him. Was he right to follow his passions, his heart? Or was he being selfish, wrong to betray everyone around him?

Reece now felt completely at a loss as to what to do. He felt like a traitor, like the worst betrayer in the world.

Except, of course, to Stara.

Reece thought of her, and a rush of love washed over him, so strong, like a wave washing over his entire world. It was a love that prodded him on, a love strong enough to defy everyone and everything he knew and loved.

As Reece approached his mother’s bedside, he forced himself to snap out of it and focus on her. She opened her eyes as he laid a hand on her wrist, and gestured to Hafold, who quickly rounded up all the servants and hurried from the room.

Reece and his mother were alone, and Reece, as he had his whole life, wanted to confide in her, to ask for her thoughts, her opinion. But he did not know if he could. He did not know if she was in a state to hear it all, or to respond, and as pressing as this was, and as torn as he was, he didn’t want to upset her right now, in her final moments. Also, she had given him her royal ring to use to propose to Selese, along with her blessing. How could he tell her that he wanted to marry someone else?

Reece took his mother’s limp hand in both of his, a tear rolling down his cheek as he lowered his forehead to the back of her palm. He was overwhelmed with a whirlwind of emotions.

His mother sat up a little in bed, looked down at him, then coughed and coughed, the sound reverberating in her chest. It was a cough he’d never heard; the cough of an old woman. It terrified him, and he squeezed her hand.

“Mother, I’m so sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I could not be here sooner.”

“You were away on important business,” she said. “The Queen’s business. After all, the Upper Isles are important, too.”

His mother looked at him with a knowing look he knew well.

“And I hear you had more business than that,” she added.

Reece looked back, stunned. How had she known? Even here, now, across the ocean? He’d underestimated her. Nothing escaped her. He should have known; his whole life, his mother had always known everything. She had spies in every corner of the kingdom, and she always knew something before he did, before even his father. He could get away with nothing. There was a saying in King’s Court: when the halls whispered, the Queen MacGil heard it before the echo.

“How did you know?” Reece asked, knowing it was a stupid question.

She merely shook her head.

“How could you do this?” she asked, displeased.

Reece reddened, ashamed.

“I gave you my ring,” his mother added. “The ring your father gave me. A ring of honor. A ring that signifies your word that you would not betray someone else. For any reason. It was a ring for all eternity, the ring I blessed for you to give to Selese, and you have made a mockery of it.”

She looked at him with scorn, and Reece looked away, humiliated, unable to look back. His confusion heightened, and he felt increasingly unsure.

“I’m sorry, Mother,” he said. “I did not mean to disappoint. I did not mean to fall in love with Stara. I did not even seek to see her.”

“Yet when you saw her, you did not turn away. That was your choice. Those were your actions. You might make one lonely woman happy. But think of how many others you will hurt.”

His mother shook her head.

“It is no longer about you,” she added. “You will come to see, as you grow, that lust is oft mistaken with love, and lust is a childish thing. As you get older, you’ll find that love, true love, is about commitment, responsibility. Especially for you—a member of the royal family. We are not regular people; we are all actors here. The entire kingdom looks to us. We are a spectacle for the masses, and little more. Don’t fool yourself. Pacified masses means the royal family can rule. Your life is not private. People look to you. You cannot cast a pall of dishonor on the royal family. You have given your word, and you must honor it, above all else. Without that, what would we be? What worth would the royal bloodline have?”

Reece’s forehead was covered in a cold sweat, and he reached up and wiped it with the back of his hand. His mouth was going dry as he contemplated his mother’s words, so piercing, as always.

“I’m sorry, Mother,” he said again. “I have lived my entire life for honor. I do not mean to dishonor anyone.”

“Indeed you do,” she retorted.

“I did not set out to dishonor Selese,” he insisted. “Yet I love Stara. Is it not wrong to ignore one’s feelings?”

“Feelings are temporary,” she scoffed. “Actions are permanent. You could follow your passions if you were a commoner. But you are not. You are a King’s son. You don’t have the luxury to follow your feelings. You do what is right, what is expected of you. You do not betray the one to whom you have given your word, who has put her faith in you.”

She sighed.

“Stara will be hurt, true. But that is one person. The rest of the kingdom will be happy. You may regret it your whole life. You may hate it; you may hate me. But that is the price you pay to be in the royal family. There are many forms of honor. The honor sung of in battle is the easiest kind. Honor in daily life—that is hard. You must display honor in love as you would on the battlefield. One is not more important than the other. Show me an honorable warrior who has betrayed his wife, and I’ll show you a man who is worth less than nothing.”

His mother’s tone was harsher than Reece had ever heard, and he realized they were the sounds of a woman on her deathbed, a woman with no time left, with nothing left to lose, and with urgency in her message. It was a tone Reece barely recognized.

Worst of all, he knew she was right. He hung his head low, wishing he were anywhere but here in this stifling chamber. He wished this dilemma had never fallen into his lap. How had his life become so complicated so quickly?

“You are not a boy,” she said. “You are a man now. Which is why you are taught honor from other men. Not from women. But that means you are only being taught half of what true honor means. It is past time you learned it from a woman’s side. For only then will you become a true man.”

Reece felt his entire face flush hot red. He felt more ashamed than he ever had in his life.

“You are right,” he said finally, his voice broken, the words difficult to speak. “My actions have disgraced our royal name. I gave my word, and I must keep it. Whatever the cost. Whatever the price.”

Reece hung his head, his world spinning, and he wished he could just die. Most of all, it hurt him that he had hurt his mother like this, especially on her deathbed. He wished he could take it all back. He wished now that he had never visited the Upper Isles.

Reece felt his mother squeeze his hand with surprising strength, and he looked up at her, tears in his eyes. He was surprised to see her smiling down at him—the old affectionate mother he’d always known.

“I’m proud of you, my son,” she said. “Your father would be too. You have listened, and you will do the right thing. Now go, and make Selese your wife. Use my ring in honor. And wipe the name Stara from your mind. The Upper Isles only breed trouble—they always have.”

Reece smiled, feeling a rush of love for his mother; at the same time, he also felt devastated that he would be losing her soon, his best advisor, the one person he trusted above all.

He leaned over and hugged her tight, crying over her shoulder at the thought of losing her, and she reached up and hugged him back, her frail arms gripping him.

“I love you the most, Reece,” she said. “Of all my children. I always have.”

Reece cried, overcome by emotion, as he knew what he had to do. He had to hurry to Selese, and before another moment passed, tell her how much he loved her. Tell her that he wanted her, and only her, to be his wife.