Primordial: An Abstraction

49

I mentioned something earlier about having only one active memory. That’s not altogether true. Nothing ever is.

We are informed by history.

Subjective history, objective history.

Objectivity is a myth.

Here’s another memory:

We were saving pennies to go to Disneyland. We put the pennies in a tall stained-glass container.

Years passed.

We didn’t save enough pennies to get to Disneyland.

My stepfather did something to me and I refused to eat with him anymore.

Before dinnertime I would go into the kitchen and my mother would make me some food. I had to eat it as fast as I could before my step-father came home from work for the official family dinner.

Years passed.

One night I was late. I only had thirty seconds to eat.Mom tried to get things ready but there was no time.

My stepfather stormed into the kitchen. I slipped aside and went upstairs.

I waited.

I waited.

I waited.

After awhile I became deranged with hunger and I had to do something about it.

I went downstairs to the kitchen. There was my stepfather counting all of the pennies and stacking them onto the counter. He stacked them as high as they would go until they fell over. He stacked them again until he could get a good read and the pile wouldn’t fall over. Then he’d start a new pile.

I watched him from the wall corner.

He stacked and restacked and stacked and restacked and stacked and restacked the pennies until I fell asleep on the carpet.

Then he put the pennies away and went to bed.